My Coton is afraid of men - what can I do?

by Sophia
(Florida)

I’ve got a lovely 6 year old Coton named Zoey who is amazing in every way,, except she is very anxious and fearful around most men. It hasn’t been a huge problem until now, since my family and friends are mostly women. But I recently met a wonderful man who has become a big part of my life and Zoey is very anxious around him and can’t seem to calm down.

Zoey, isn’t a barker in general, but with David (and other men), she is constantly barking and gets very jealous when he’s near me. He loves dogs and has tried to make friends with her - he brings toys and treats and gets down on the floor to play, but she is not having it.

It makes my heart heavy because I want the two most important beings in my life to get along.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get Zoey to feel safe with men?

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May 20, 2025
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Zoey, men are nice! NEW
by: Gale

Thanks so much for sharing about Zoey. She sounds like such a special girl. It’s actually not uncommon for Cotons (and many other sensitive breeds) to be fearful or anxious around men if they weren't socialized much with men during their early puppy months. Their strong bonds and big emotions can also make them a little possessive or wary of change.

It’s wonderful that David is being so patient and kind with her. That’s a great first step. Here are a few things that might help Zoey start to feel more comfortable:

* Let Zoey set the pace. Have David ignore her completely at first - no eye contact, no talking, no reaching out. This helps reduce pressure and gives her a sense of control.

* Use "safe distance" bonding. Let David toss treats from a distance or sit quietly nearby while you play with Zoey. The idea is to associate his presence with fun, not fear.

* Give her a "job." Something like sitting calmly to earn treats or practicing a trick near David can shift her mindset from fear to focus.

* Reward calm behavior consistently, even if it's just her being in the same room without barking.

* Watch your energy. Cotons pick up on our emotions, so staying relaxed and upbeat when David’s around can help signal to Zoey that everything’s okay. If she senses you’re worried about their interaction, she’ll pick up on it.

Zoey’s lucky to have someone who wants to understand her and make her feel safe. Keep us posted on how it goes!

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