Funny Dog Sayings

I hope you enjoy these funny dog sayings. Maybe you have to be a dog person to appreciate these quotes about dogs - you be the judge.

Enjoy!





Funny Dog Sayings

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. ~Andy Rooney

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~Ben Williams

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. ~Mary Bly

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. ~Jay Leno

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. ~Phil Pastoret

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. ~Will Rogers

Funny Dog Sayings

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ~Anne Tyler

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. ~Steve Bluestone

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. ~Ambrose Bierce

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. ~Franklin P. Jones

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. ~Dave Barry

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~Andy Rooney

When a dog wags her tail and barks at the same time, how do you know which end to believe? ~Anonymous

Funny Dog Sayings

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money. ~Joe Weinstein

If your dog is fat; you're not getting enough exercise. ~Author Unknown

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. ~Robert Benchley

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time. ~Winston Pendelton

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. ~Edward Abbey

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl. ~Penny Ward Moser

Children are for people who can't have dogs. ~Author Unknown

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. ~Margo Kaufman

Funny Dog Sayings

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ~Rita Rudner

Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on. ~Colette

I have a dog so mean, he ate the neighbor's weenie dog. Now he's a bratweiler. ~Nick Arnette

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~Rita Rudner

My Labrador retriever had a nervous breakdown. I kept throwing him a boomerang. ~Nick Arnette

A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours. ~Anonymous

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that! ~Dave Barry

Funny Dog Sayings

Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. "He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!" ~Jerry Seinfeld

The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!" ~Dave Starr

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered? ~Larry Reeb

He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas. ~Ben Franklin

I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes. ~Monica Piper

If dogs could talk, perhaps we’d find it just as hard to get along with them as we do people. ~Karel Capek

I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdales? ~Yvonne Clifford

Funny Dog Sayings

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. ~Corey Ford

My dog can bark like a Congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary, and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings. ~Gerold Solomon

They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. ~Jerome K. Jerome

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me. ~Jimi Celeste

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. ~Martha Scott

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane. ~Smiley Blanton

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts. ~John Steinbeck

Funny Dog Sayings

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ~Roger Caras

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. ~Jeff Valdez

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd. ~Steven Wright

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. ~Unknown

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein






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